Thursday, 15 August 2013

Just Being


As you all know, I have a soft spot in my heart for my guardian angel Katharine Hepburn, to the point that when a car with a license plate KH lets me go through I take it as a sign. Seriously.
What she did for me that earned her all this love was teach me some real priceless lessons about life. And one of them I've been desperately in need of, lately.

"I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun." She said.

Well, I do. And I wish I didn't.

The simple, earthy truth in this quote baffles me. It's the definition of optimism. Just "being", just existing, merely having a pulse and a brain is a privilege. Over the past couple of months I've been busy out of my mind with university work and I think it's now finally getting the best of me. The weariness is taking over my mind and I feel my productivity cut to one tenth of its original proportions. I would give my left lung for the simple pleasure of a full night's sleep, with nothing to worry about and no thoughts that I should be somewhere else. I'm even having these thoughts now, as I'm writing this post to let out my frustration, my anger and my disappointment that I'm going through this. I credit these feelings to my tiredness and to the injustices that victimized me by a disorganized and ill-managed university. Most of the day I want to burn that building down just so that I won't have to be there tomorrow for nine hours. Yet again.

But, now, along comes the optimism. Just being is fun. Life itself is a fascinating adventure. Why see this as an obligation, a chore, something I have to do or else all the puppies in the world will choke to death? I'm tired and God knows how much I've done, but stopping now is not an option so I might as well be positive about it. Why see it as a burden when I can see it as a gift? An opportunity? A privilege? This is a test to make sure that I'm strong enough to do what I have to do when it's no longer easy. And I'm gonna pass. And it's gonna be fun. Just being is fun. 

Right now I am taking a break from studying physiology because I feel no more of it can possibly enter my mind at this moment. And as I stop I let my mind wander. Isn't it a miracle that the simple act of reading, interpreting, understanding, can get an idea in your brain and never let go of it again? Isn't it fascinating that tomorrow I'm gonna wake up a more enlightened and educated individual? And on Thursday when tests will finally be over (or so I hope), my movies will be waiting for me, along with my books, my bed, my car to go anywhere, my frozen yoghurt membership card to do what it was meant to do. It's not the end of the world. Not even close to it. It's just the final stretch, when the muscles are a bit too sore to keep up the speed. 

And you know what else I have to do? I have to use the most powerful weapon I have at hand. The only thing that can cure boredom, sadness, weariness, difficulty, sorrow and disappointment: humor.  I have to laugh in the face of life as it laughs in my face. The harder things get the bigger the joke, the louder the laugh. Isn't potassium hilarious? When the teachers make my life miserable, I'll laugh about it and say to the world that I. DON'T. CARE. 

I'm done crying over people who don't deserve my tears. I'm done giving more credit to things than they deserve. This situation is not permanent. This life is not my future. 

I am alive. I am healthy. My lungs still contract and expand in their youthful glory. I am alive. Katharine isn't. And so many others are simply waiting for their time to go, riddled with disease, hunger or sorrow. It's time I start appreciating life. Even when I'm sitting around, "just being". Or maybe especially then.

Best,
Nina


2 comments:

  1. This was so good! I feel this way sometimes, but less than during my high school years (I still have nightmares with high school) and seeing how fun it is just to be alive is really a powerful way to go through difficulties. Well said!
    Kisses!

    ReplyDelete